


find your jisung

by joneinyourarea



Series: Stray Kids Fics [3]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-18
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2020-03-07 09:50:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18870796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joneinyourarea/pseuds/joneinyourarea
Summary: if you’d told minho he’d get to meet han jisung, better known as han of stray kids, he’d call you delusional. he’d think you were out of your mind and then laugh in your face. there was no possible way he’d meet him, none whatsoever.aka this is me projecting my stray kids concert experience into a minsung fic. aka stray kids has 8 members and minho was me and my concert experience.





	find your jisung

**Author's Note:**

> there’s a major trigger warning here so if thoughts of self harm and suicide make you uncomfy i suggest you don’t read this. and no i wouldn’t purposefully ever put minho in that situation, it’s literally my own self thoughts just pushed onto his character.

if you’d told minho he’d get to meet han jisung, better known as han of stray kids, he’d call you delusional. he’d think you were out of your mind and then laugh in your face. there was no possible way he’d meet him, none whatsoever. he lived in a small city called winchester in the outskirts of virginia, moved there when he was 8 and with only a one year set back to a different state, remained in this tiny town for the next twelve years of his life.

 

-

 

he’d first found jisung on october 6, 2017 to be exact, the day hellevator dropped, and it wasn’t the best of days. it was as if he’d seen a light, something inside the cogs of his brain clicked into over drive, his heartbeat becoming erratic. he didn’t know what to make of this new found feeling, but he decided to explore it and give himself one more day to see what this feeling was. he dropped the gun and ripped up his note to his family.

 

one day turned into two and soon the days meshed into weeks, but he kept listening to the song; he’d play it on repeat until he fell asleep with nothing left to hold onto, nothing but the boy with the caramel highlighted hair and chubby cheeks. he’d forgotten about his suicide pact.

 

and then there was the show, he’d watched it because his friends told him he’d be very pleased. rolling his eyes, he logged onto his computer and found the website they’d watched it from only to gasp upon seeing that face.the face that came in his dreams and filled his nightmares with a blissful change in dynamic. it was the boy again, and he was bubbly and smiley and his voice was quite possibly the most heavenly thing minho thinks he’s heard in the world. he couldn’t leave him, the boy who introduced himself as han jisung, even though he knew jisung had no idea of his existence. he was selfish enough to see the light jisung put out into the world and he harboured some of it for himself, mooching off of the boy as if he’d give him health benefits, as if he were the sun.

 

the show didn’t feel like it had lasted long, but minhos emotions could tell you otherwise. he’d gone on an emotional roller coaster, crying when felix was eliminated, gasping when he was brought back, screaming when they debuted as 8. he was proud of the boy and he wanted to make sure to live long enough to tell him that, so he made a promise. he’s promised himself that he’d live long enough to meet han jisung and tell him that he was a fan but as soon as his five seconds of fame were over he’d end it all. and he held himself to that promise.

 

-

 

the chance to meet jisung came closer than what he thought it would, a only a year after his debut, a year and seven months after meeting the boy who’d come to change his life, possibly for the better. he’d still had set backs though, his home life becoming too much to bear (abusive parents and siblings were not the best situation to live in, minho could promise you that) and jisung making his way back into his dreams, but this time they weren’t flowers and rainbows and butterflies- they were jisung being kidnapped and dying in his arms, the last words on the tip of his tongue were minhos name, him begging minho to save him-

 

to say minho woke up covered in sweat with a choked sob stuck in the back of this throat on multiple occasions was an understatement. it became a nightly occurrence that his dreams were dousedwith jisungs fear stricken face and his cries out for help that left him speechless come time the sun would peak up behind the rolling hills. he wanted to be there in korea, to know that jisung was okay, but he couldn’t so he sat everyday in misery as he watched through a cracked screen, trying to calm his racing heart.

 

it was getting harder and harder to keep his promise to jisung, to keep breathing until they met, but he’d gotten tickets to see them live- hitouch tickets that would allow him to speak briefly with jisung and he prayed to god that he had enough strength to make it to the concert and find the perfect jumping bridge-

 

-

 

the day came faster than he’d liked it to and his plan was slowly being spoiled as each day passed. he was going to drive to new jersey, to see stray kids and meet jisung and then he was going to park his car near the highest bridge and jump off, hoping to be forgotten in mere weeks. but his coworker had to come and ruin that plan. his coworker, conner, was also a fan and had bought a ticket and hotel room. he’d only needed a ride down and back and minho had the car and the license and the stray kids ticket as well, it was like it was meant to be, sadly-

 

he’d agreed to take conner with him and share a hotel room with him but that would mean he’d have to take conner home and that ruined his plans. he could still do it if he’d tried-

 

-

 

taking conner to the concert was like walking through hell because first of all he took up too much room in minhos car, laying back and spreading his arms and legs wide as he slept and snored. for five hours. and minho was in pain, he had to sit a certain way or else his back would scream in agony (he was diagnosed with scoliosis at a young age which meant that his spine is not straight, and neither is he but ye) but conner wouldn’t allow minho to sit how he needed to in order to be comfortable so he sat for five hours in the most uncomfortable position he could’ve imagined.

 

five hours and an agonizingly painful car ride later and they reached the hotel, three hours before check in. it was noon and minho was tired and hungry because he hadn’t eaten anything since monday and as soon as they checked in conner went and plopped on the bed, complaining hat they’d gotten to jersey too early and that he wasn’t standing at the venue for five hours so he slept until five o’clock. and minho tried his hardest to sleep, he really did but he couldn’t for the life of him. every time he closed his eyes his heart would beat in his throat and he felt like he was going to throw up.

 

but eventually they finally headed to the concert venue, tickets in hand, and minho stood and waited to get his hitouch wristband to confirm that he’d get to in fact meet han jisung up close and personal. he waited in line for about an hour to get in, and then waited in the merch line for close to thirty minutes before he was finally able to get a light stick and a poster. 

 

waiting for the concert to start literally made minho want to rip his hair out and choke on the strands until he suffocated,but his freshly dyed hair wouldn’t like that very much so he passed the time by talking with his seat mates, gaining six new friends.

 

-

 

the concert started and minho screamed as loud as he could for as long as he could (which was the duration of the entire concert), screaming for all eight boys on the stage, but louder for one in particular. he couldn’t help but to let out his unmanly squeals, but for jisung he’d swallow his pride and do it over and over again, it’s not like it would matter after the concert anyway. he’d let loose and have fun because today was going to be his last day on earth.

 

but of course, the universe hates him, or maybe it loves him but either way his plan ultimately failed because of the hitouch. who knew how powerful five words could be? who knew that a small gasp as minho walked away could change his thought and sweep his plan under the rug forever? not minho that’s for sure. 

 

he was at the hitouch and meeting han jisung. he’d opened up and tell jisung that he’d singlehandedly saved minhos life. and again, if you told him a year ago that as he walked away jisung would gasp loudly and quickly make grabby hands at him to stop him in his place just so he could look minho in the eyes and respond “no, you saved my life” with that stupid little o shape on his face and a glimmer in his eyes, well minho would think you’re insane. 

 

but right now? as he sits at his job three days later, writing this message to you? yeah, he’d tell you that you were right, that he did get to meet han jisung and that han jisung singlehandedly stopped him from killing himself that night. and he’d tell you that maybe life is hard, and maybe you have parents that beat you or verbally assault you, or a sibling that touches you inappropriately, or maybe you don’t have that situation like he does. maybe you’ve been sexually assaulted, maybe you’ve been abused, maybe you’ve been battling with voices in your head, maybe you’re too hungry to think properly. it doesn’t matter what your situation, minho knows that if he could make it to meet han jisung and have him pull the thought of ending his life right out of his cold, stubborn hands, than anything is possible.

 

find your jisung, find that one thing (or person) that motivates you to keep going when all yo want to do is crawl into a ball and end it all. minho knows first hand that life is hard and unrelenting, that nothing ever seems to go your way, but he also knows that if you trust in something enough that it can drown out the negatives and fill your life with positive. find that positivity that you seem to be missing and drown yourself in it, find the light at the end of the dark tunnel that seems eternal. yeah, sure minhos happiness won’t last forever as emotions are as fragile and wavering as glass, but with that being said he knows this sadness he feels, that you might feel as well, it won’t last either. it might seem unending, but it will get better, things will start to look up. find your jisung. find that one spark of passion that you have when everything else seems lost and confusing.

 

find your jisung and go, take it and run for the hills. let yourself be selfish for even an ounce of a second. it’s okay to be selfish sometimes, minhos thought of everyone before himself, but in that moment he thought of himself first and he couldn’t be more proud of that fact.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks to the zero people that read this and if you found the message at the end to be cute then take that advice, it took me thirteen years to take that advice for myself. you deserve to be happy, you deserve everything in life .


End file.
